since i'm sick and have no other better thing to do..

I went for ushering for Festival Di’ Arts last Monday. I felt like slapping this guy who insulted my country and my accent. He said “chill la, I was just joking.” I smiled back at him and said “I don’t like this kind of joke so please stop.” He said ok but he still did it again. We still end up as good friends in the end. I bet it was not his fault. It’s inside their nature to say thing that could hurt someone unknowingly.

I hate it when people find out I am different from them. Alienation? I just know that the choice of topics and tone were changed after they have found out. Correct me if it is not true, most people do not want a scholar as their best friend. I’m aware of my situation but I just can’t accept it somehow. I’m sick of the fact that if I am not willing to assimilate, people will not willingly accept me.

Tell me something I don’t already know about. One of the guys said “You know there is this scholar in AJ who has already finished the tutorial when they just started the lecture. Crazy man! ” I know you all think we are freaks but that is because you all don’t understand what kind of circumstances we are facing.

Maybe that is why some of us refuse to date a Singaporean. But not my problem anyway since I plan not to date anyone. It is just not the right time for romanticism. Maybe that is the reason why I haven’t agreed to slow dance with anyone for the past three years. Because dancing with a guy friend is damn LAME. My first slow dance is going to be with someone special (which might not gonna happen) :P

Dating a Singaporean guy is hard but dating a scholar is even worse. Breaking up with one guy is like breaking up with all his friends (although I consider some of them as my friends too). I have experienced it once and I don’t wish to experience it again. Because normally people don’t listen to both sides. They believe in what they want to believe. I still remember the sms from one of my friends that hurt me the most; “People treat you the way you treated them.” WTF. I was trying to help you and in the process of doing so, I ruined my own life. And this is what I got back from you?

I’m tired of people judging me. They don’t have a single idea what has happened and all they did was just to blame and blame. Thing that is meant to be stopped long time ago still happens even until now. So do you think it’s fun to come to say it in front of my face something like “hey, I know him” or “hey, I know what both of you used to be” or “hey, he has a new girlfriend already” or telling me how sweet of him when he did this and that for his girlfriend? What are you people trying to do here like seriously? I know that for you he is a nice guy and all. So unlike him, I try to avoid telling people stories. So just think of me whatever way you like. I don’t need your consent for me to be happy anyway.